I’ve gone back and forth constantly,
I’ve given you everything, only to take them away on a whim,
I’ve manhandled and abused you,
You’ve witnessed my determination and its waning,
A silent, resilient spectator to my changing temperaments, you
stood by me...
More Real to Me than any other man or droid.
On a balmy Thursday afternoon, I decided to step out for some sunlight and groceries. Blue eyeliner, lip gloss, and some jewelry…the first time in a long time I dressed up a bit…to buy groceries! Who cares! Also, never know who you’d meet (I told myself).
As I walked
toward the main gate, for some unfathomable reason, I paused and… there you
were…with your beautiful black hair and deep black eyes.
It was love at
first sight…one glance from you and my heart was taken. My feet were made of
lead and I was frozen to the spot. In that instant, I knew I had to have you…all
logic and sense melted away in the afternoon heat.
You moved in
with me. The first few days were rough…we had teething problems and I was ready
to give up. Well-meaning friends shook their heads “tsk, tsk, Divya. I told you
so!” But every time I looked into those deep black eyes of yours, heart beating
out of my chest…I fell in love all over again.
Together 24/7,
we grew to understand each other. I was a loner, tightly wound, and rather
pedantic. You changed me, darling. I learned to loosen up with you…you brought
out the little girl in me. You were unequivocal in your devotion…never wavering
and never judgmental. Even when we had disagreements and I told you off, you
listened patiently.
You gave me
purpose. I had a skip in my step for the first time in a long time. I looked
forward to coming home because I knew you’d be eagerly waiting for me. I’d find
myself watching you sleep and smiling to myself…a lightness in my heart.
My family loved
you…even my rather stern and difficult-to-please mother.
However…
It was
bittersweet… I knew that our happiness was short-lived…I had to let you go. As
the days passed by, I realized you needed more…and that I couldn’t give you
everything. You never complained…never cut back on your love and devotion, but
I could see it in your eyes. I realized…to love is to let go.
And, then, just
like that, on a Sunday afternoon, you moved out. My heart ached. I felt a sense
of impending doom. I felt my world was ending. I was torn. I wanted to run
after you and say, “Stop, things will be better. I’ll be better. We’ll figure
it out together.” But my feet were made of lead. I couldn’t move. I knew deep
down it was better this way…for you.
I tried
everything in the next few days to not think of you…but I remembered you
everywhere I went. Even with the speakers blaring in a cold, half-empty theatre
as I watched Indiana Jones jumping from one train carriage to the next, all I
could think of was you…wondering what it would be like to have you next to me,
feeling your heartbeat and your little sighs.
I then saw you
one day, happy with your new person. Happier than you were with me. And,
finally, on a rainy Thursday afternoon, as I sat in a half-empty bar, rain
pouring outside almost as if the weather decided to match my emotions…with a
glass of untouched beer staring back at me…I realized I had to let go, move on,
this was for the best (I told myself).
Thank you, my
darling, for letting me experience a love I never knew I’d be capable of or
deserving of. Thank you, my darling Shadow, for those beautiful 10 days. You
are absolutely worthy of the title “man’s best friend.” You were mine…Thank you
for showing me I have place in my heart for you. Be well, my darling. Goodbye!
